You want me to do what???

I had the opportunity to lead at the small church again today! They had requested all hymns and so that's what we sang.  And we sang them directly out of the hymnal.  I hadn't done that in a very long time.  The people in the congregation really appreciated it though.  Again, it was another humbling experience.  Playing piano while trying to lead is something I am still working on and am not great at yet, but I am learning.  I am glad the people were able to still worship despite the quality.  I also realized my voice is not the same since I have not been using it nearly as much here.  It was difficult for me to get passed the idea in my head of "This is not what it should be" to "You don't need to be perfect, and in fact, you never will be!"  I have been struggling a bit lately deciding why I love to sing.  Is it for the glory of God or am I doing it for myself?  This has proven to me once again that our greatest strengths are also our greatest weaknesses.  I absolutely LOVE praising and worshiping the Lord through song.  It's when I get to lead others into God's presence so that we may all worship Him together that I feel closest to God.  Unfortunately, I can often get caught up in "LOOK AT ME" mentality, even unconsciously.  I don't want to.  I despise this attitude and quality about myself.  Why would God want a selfish girl like me to minister to others?  That's why God keeps putting things in my life to remind me IT'S NOT ABOUT EMILY! God is GOD.  He is still GOOD.  He is still LORD.  I am still LOVED by Him.  Yes, I have defects.  Yes, I will be working on bettering myself in this area.  Through it all, I still believe God has called me to lead His people in communal worship, as one body, for His glory.  So that's what I am going to do.  Oh dear, this is going to be harder than I thought! But I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.  Praise the Lord for that!